Posts Tagged ‘sleep training’

It’s About Time

By RaddestMom

It’s been a hot minute since I posted anything on here. I was busy with lots of things in the last few months, and I just couldn’t find the time or will power to post anything. Here is my check in! What’s been going on the last few months hasn’t been all that exciting. I started a couple business ventures but quickly became bored and uninspired by them. Since I don’t do this for money, it was easy for me to throw my blog in the back seat. However, I’ve come to realize that I really love writing and most importantly, helping people. SO, I am going to make a way bigger effort to contribute from now on. In this post, I will be writing about some mundane sleep issues, so in-between paragraphs I will post cute pictures of Pearl to shamelessly keep your interest. Enjoy. *Note*-this post is kind of controversial with moms, so please do not be offended if I say something you don’t agree with or you think I don’t have any factual evidence to back it up. Thanks :)

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Pearl is turning TWO next week. She’s running, talking in sentences, and knows all the names of every Disney princess. I know I have been pro-sleep training very much on this website, and I have gone to great lengths to talk about how to do it, when to do it etc….but I have to say, I have had a change of heart. After I posted my “18 month sleep regression: BEWARE” post, things went from bad to worse. I realized it wasn’t a sleep regression. She just started becoming more cognitive of the world around her, and she may have been feeling afraid or insecure. She just wanted to be with me. Since then, she pretty much hasn’t slept a single night (through the night) in her own room.

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It just didn’t feel right to let her cry. I know if I was a toddler in a dark room, alone, and all I wanted was my mommy, I would be TERRIFIED and sad. So, Jack and I decided we would just let her sleep in our bed with us at night. We set the boundary that she has to go to sleep in her own crib at her bedtime in order to give us SOME time to ourselves, but when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she’s allowed to come in bed with us. The more thought I put into it, the more I was, like, “She’s only little once, and she’s only going to want to cuddle for so long, I may as well enjoy it.”

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So, I did a lot of reading on the subject matter…it turns out most tribal people, and many families in countries around the world have their children sleep in bed with them till age 3…on a cultural level. I think the whole sleep training thing is getting out of hand. People are starting to try and sleep train their 3 month old infants and letting them “cry it out”. There is much conflicting “evidence” on the internet about the matter. Some say it’s safe, some say it’s not. It absolutely did not feel right when I tried to do it the second and third time, when my daughter couldn’t understand why I wasn’t coming to her aid to hold her when she was scared and alone.

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I PERSONALLY (don’t get all fired up if you don’t feel the same way) believe that when a small infant is made to “cry it out” and fall asleep, what happens is that they are actually being traumatized, and the brain responds by just putting them to sleep. Their basic need of “I need love, care, and attention” has not been met, thus ensuing a trauma, therefore the brain goes into sleep mode as a survival instinct to shield them from further pain…. And I won’t get into what not having your basic needs met as an infant and child translate into when you become an adult. I believe that many behavioral disorders can come out of this. Babies cry for a reason. They cannot talk, so they cry to let you know they need something. If you don’t respond to that cry, you’re neglecting their basic need in that moment. It sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, but I urge you to do what feels RIGHT….not what your sleep trainer, fellow parents, or the internet is telling you is right. To end this topic, I will close with saying that we plan on actually sleep training pearl to go to sleep in her new big girl bed when she’s old enough to COMPLETELY understand that she is a big girl and we would very much like it if she slept in her own bed….somewhere around the 2 1/2 almost 3 year age when it is much easier to implement change using a reward system.

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Have a great day! I will be blogging more later on more interesting topics. I just felt the need to get this one over with since MOST of my emails and questions are concerning my readers’ children’s sleep patterns.

***Try to keep your comments on this subject matter KIND, please. Any rude, mean, or condescending comments will not even be fully read and deleted.***

XO

Lisa O

Making Time for Your Marriage When You Have Kids

By RaddestMom

Keeping the fire going within your marriage when you have children can be a really hard task sometimes. Lots of interferences come into play on a daily basis, but it’s super important to make special time for your husband/wife. This also goes for people who don’t have kids! You guys have to work (not nearly as hard, ha!) as us at keeping the flame a’burnin’. Here are some ideas and concepts you may or may not have thought about:

1. Make Your Kid(s) Sleep In Their Own Bed!

When I go to sleep at night, I actually NEED my rest in order to keep up with my child’s demands during the day. It’s your one shot to re-energize and recharge, thus making you a better mom and partner. Let’s face it, when your child sleeps with you, NOBODY really sleeps, and you can never get comfortable.

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Your child is probably old enough to start sleeping in their own crib, by themselves, and through the night by 6 months. Training your baby to sleep in their crib from a young age (6 months) is a GREAT way to establish a restful sleep pattern. Once they get the hang of it, they usually keep it. Pearl sleeps in her crib every night, all night, unless she’s sick or something. It only took a few days of crying, fussing, and fighting, but she got the hang of it and now won’t sleep anywhere BUT a crib. Sleeping alone with your husband can be very beneficial as it gives you guys more cuddle time and chances to hang out together, watch movies, and snuggle! If you are wondering how to sleep train, HERE is an article I already wrote on how to do it :)

2. Go On Date Nights

Dressing up and getting out of the house on a regular basis is crucial to maintain the “dating” feeling in a relationship. All too often we become comfortable with wearing our sweatpants and ordering take-out. Jack and I go on a date or just out to dinner alone once a week. I understand that’s not do-able for everyone, but I’m sure everyone can swing once or twice a month. Ask your mom, sister, or friend to watch your kid(s) for 2 hours while you and your partner go for dinner or to a movie. If you have siblings, set up a system where twice a month they watch your kids, and twice a month you return the favor for them! It’s important to have one on one time, focus, and listen to each other without worrying about what little Timmy is getting into.

Date Night!

Date Night!

3. Pillow Talk

HERE is the printable version of a cute little article I found on Pinterest. It’s a questionnaire of sorts in which you can get to know your spouse better! Use this one or make up your own questions. I love this idea. It is so important to constantly grow and get to know each other better and better.

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4. Fun In-Home Dates

  • Have dinner or dessert outside. Light some candles, crack open a bottle of wine, and enjoy take out or a home cooked meal together on the deck!
  • Have a theme night: Order chinese food and watch a kung fu movie!
  • Make an easy dessert together, like bananas foster, and it eat together!
  • Pick something you guys both always wanted to learn to do, for example, juggling, and youtube an instructional video. Spend the night learning how to do cool things together!
  • Play trivia with each other. There are lots of good APPS that have trivia games you can download.

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5. Meet Your Partner for Impromptu Lunches

If your kids are in school, call your partner up for a lunchtime date. It can be fun to meet up during the day in a minute’s notice. It keeps things spontaneous and “young”…haha! Also, you can write an email that says “meet me at the park at 12:15 P.M.”….and when he gets there, have a small lunch time picnic set up for you guys!

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Keep it Fresh,

Lisa O

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