Posts Tagged ‘co-sleeping’

It’s About Time

By RaddestMom

It’s been a hot minute since I posted anything on here. I was busy with lots of things in the last few months, and I just couldn’t find the time or will power to post anything. Here is my check in! What’s been going on the last few months hasn’t been all that exciting. I started a couple business ventures but quickly became bored and uninspired by them. Since I don’t do this for money, it was easy for me to throw my blog in the back seat. However, I’ve come to realize that I really love writing and most importantly, helping people. SO, I am going to make a way bigger effort to contribute from now on. In this post, I will be writing about some mundane sleep issues, so in-between paragraphs I will post cute pictures of Pearl to shamelessly keep your interest. Enjoy. *Note*-this post is kind of controversial with moms, so please do not be offended if I say something you don’t agree with or you think I don’t have any factual evidence to back it up. Thanks :)

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Pearl is turning TWO next week. She’s running, talking in sentences, and knows all the names of every Disney princess. I know I have been pro-sleep training very much on this website, and I have gone to great lengths to talk about how to do it, when to do it etc….but I have to say, I have had a change of heart. After I posted my “18 month sleep regression: BEWARE” post, things went from bad to worse. I realized it wasn’t a sleep regression. She just started becoming more cognitive of the world around her, and she may have been feeling afraid or insecure. She just wanted to be with me. Since then, she pretty much hasn’t slept a single night (through the night) in her own room.

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It just didn’t feel right to let her cry. I know if I was a toddler in a dark room, alone, and all I wanted was my mommy, I would be TERRIFIED and sad. So, Jack and I decided we would just let her sleep in our bed with us at night. We set the boundary that she has to go to sleep in her own crib at her bedtime in order to give us SOME time to ourselves, but when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she’s allowed to come in bed with us. The more thought I put into it, the more I was, like, “She’s only little once, and she’s only going to want to cuddle for so long, I may as well enjoy it.”

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So, I did a lot of reading on the subject matter…it turns out most tribal people, and many families in countries around the world have their children sleep in bed with them till age 3…on a cultural level. I think the whole sleep training thing is getting out of hand. People are starting to try and sleep train their 3 month old infants and letting them “cry it out”. There is much conflicting “evidence” on the internet about the matter. Some say it’s safe, some say it’s not. It absolutely did not feel right when I tried to do it the second and third time, when my daughter couldn’t understand why I wasn’t coming to her aid to hold her when she was scared and alone.

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I PERSONALLY (don’t get all fired up if you don’t feel the same way) believe that when a small infant is made to “cry it out” and fall asleep, what happens is that they are actually being traumatized, and the brain responds by just putting them to sleep. Their basic need of “I need love, care, and attention” has not been met, thus ensuing a trauma, therefore the brain goes into sleep mode as a survival instinct to shield them from further pain…. And I won’t get into what not having your basic needs met as an infant and child translate into when you become an adult. I believe that many behavioral disorders can come out of this. Babies cry for a reason. They cannot talk, so they cry to let you know they need something. If you don’t respond to that cry, you’re neglecting their basic need in that moment. It sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, but I urge you to do what feels RIGHT….not what your sleep trainer, fellow parents, or the internet is telling you is right. To end this topic, I will close with saying that we plan on actually sleep training pearl to go to sleep in her new big girl bed when she’s old enough to COMPLETELY understand that she is a big girl and we would very much like it if she slept in her own bed….somewhere around the 2 1/2 almost 3 year age when it is much easier to implement change using a reward system.

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Have a great day! I will be blogging more later on more interesting topics. I just felt the need to get this one over with since MOST of my emails and questions are concerning my readers’ children’s sleep patterns.

***Try to keep your comments on this subject matter KIND, please. Any rude, mean, or condescending comments will not even be fully read and deleted.***

XO

Lisa O

Co-Sleeping

By RaddestMom

Lots of people have asked my thoughts on co-sleeping, so here goes:

I feel that for the first 3 months (aka the 4th trimester), baby still needs to feel safe, like they are a part of mama. The best way to do this is to spend lots of time cuddling, nursing, rocking, and sleeping together (or with a co-sleeper next to the bed). Your baby will feel very insecure and scared when he or she is not with you, because they are so new to the big, scary world. I encourage you to keep your baby close for the first few months. It is important.

After that, slowly, around 5 months, transition baby to the crib if you don’t want them to sleep in the same bed as you. You CANNOT spoil a new born. It isn’t possible. They operate solely on instinct and there’s nothing you can do to change that. They won’t get “spoiled” to you holding them, or feeding them, etc. It doesn’t work that way. 

Some mothers fear their child will only want to sleep with them from now on, and they will never get their kid out of the marital bed. If that’s the case, don’t worry! 3 months will not effect their long term sleep habits.

A good rule of thumb that I’ve stuck to is recognizing that at first baby needs to be with mommy, THEN, as they become more comfortable in the world, they can be independent enough to sleep on their own. Only you know your child best, so make sure YOU feel comfortable with the transition before you try to move baby from bed to crib.

I feel co-sleeping is safe in most cases if :

  • You are not taking any sleeping pills or downers
  • You aren’t significantly overweight
  • Your comforter is not pulled up to where it could cover the baby (I didn’t need covers as I was sweating bullets for the first couple months which I’m sure new moms can understand! So gross)
  • Your bed is large enough for you, your partner, and the little one

I never had a problem co-sleeping with pearl because as a mother, you all know the second you hear one little squeak or whimper you jump wide awake. I never had any fear of not hearing her if something was wrong. Once again, though, YOU have to feel comfortable. If you aren’t, there is a great option for you. It’s called an Arm’s reach co-sleeper. Baby goes right next to bed for easy access at night.

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ARMS REACH CO-SLEEPER

Sweet Dreams,

Lisa O