It’s About Time

By RaddestMom

It’s been a hot minute since I posted anything on here. I was busy with lots of things in the last few months, and I just couldn’t find the time or will power to post anything. Here is my check in! What’s been going on the last few months hasn’t been all that exciting. I started a couple business ventures but quickly became bored and uninspired by them. Since I don’t do this for money, it was easy for me to throw my blog in the back seat. However, I’ve come to realize that I really love writing and most importantly, helping people. SO, I am going to make a way bigger effort to contribute from now on. In this post, I will be writing about some mundane sleep issues, so in-between paragraphs I will post cute pictures of Pearl to shamelessly keep your interest. Enjoy. *Note*-this post is kind of controversial with moms, so please do not be offended if I say something you don’t agree with or you think I don’t have any factual evidence to back it up. Thanks :)

IMG_8588

Pearl is turning TWO next week. She’s running, talking in sentences, and knows all the names of every Disney princess. I know I have been pro-sleep training very much on this website, and I have gone to great lengths to talk about how to do it, when to do it etc….but I have to say, I have had a change of heart. After I posted my “18 month sleep regression: BEWARE” post, things went from bad to worse. I realized it wasn’t a sleep regression. She just started becoming more cognitive of the world around her, and she may have been feeling afraid or insecure. She just wanted to be with me. Since then, she pretty much hasn’t slept a single night (through the night) in her own room.

IMG_8149

It just didn’t feel right to let her cry. I know if I was a toddler in a dark room, alone, and all I wanted was my mommy, I would be TERRIFIED and sad. So, Jack and I decided we would just let her sleep in our bed with us at night. We set the boundary that she has to go to sleep in her own crib at her bedtime in order to give us SOME time to ourselves, but when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she’s allowed to come in bed with us. The more thought I put into it, the more I was, like, “She’s only little once, and she’s only going to want to cuddle for so long, I may as well enjoy it.”

IMG_8211

So, I did a lot of reading on the subject matter…it turns out most tribal people, and many families in countries around the world have their children sleep in bed with them till age 3…on a cultural level. I think the whole sleep training thing is getting out of hand. People are starting to try and sleep train their 3 month old infants and letting them “cry it out”. There is much conflicting “evidence” on the internet about the matter. Some say it’s safe, some say it’s not. It absolutely did not feel right when I tried to do it the second and third time, when my daughter couldn’t understand why I wasn’t coming to her aid to hold her when she was scared and alone.

IMG_8087

I PERSONALLY (don’t get all fired up if you don’t feel the same way) believe that when a small infant is made to “cry it out” and fall asleep, what happens is that they are actually being traumatized, and the brain responds by just putting them to sleep. Their basic need of “I need love, care, and attention” has not been met, thus ensuing a trauma, therefore the brain goes into sleep mode as a survival instinct to shield them from further pain…. And I won’t get into what not having your basic needs met as an infant and child translate into when you become an adult. I believe that many behavioral disorders can come out of this. Babies cry for a reason. They cannot talk, so they cry to let you know they need something. If you don’t respond to that cry, you’re neglecting their basic need in that moment. It sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, but I urge you to do what feels RIGHT….not what your sleep trainer, fellow parents, or the internet is telling you is right. To end this topic, I will close with saying that we plan on actually sleep training pearl to go to sleep in her new big girl bed when she’s old enough to COMPLETELY understand that she is a big girl and we would very much like it if she slept in her own bed….somewhere around the 2 1/2 almost 3 year age when it is much easier to implement change using a reward system.

IMG_8121

Have a great day! I will be blogging more later on more interesting topics. I just felt the need to get this one over with since MOST of my emails and questions are concerning my readers’ children’s sleep patterns.

***Try to keep your comments on this subject matter KIND, please. Any rude, mean, or condescending comments will not even be fully read and deleted.***

XO

Lisa O

Older comments

68 Comments on It’s About Time

  1. mombiemunster
    April 20, 2014 at 10:57 am (4 months ago)

    It was the same for my daughter. We tried the cry it out method but after the third night I couldn’t do it. Shes going on three and still sleeps with us but is beginning to really enjoy her bed. I find myself wanting to cuddle with her when shes sleeps the night in her bed. Lol don’t tell my husband.

    Reply
  2. Sarah
    April 22, 2014 at 6:38 am (4 months ago)

    Great blog post. Personally I never understood sleep training for infants. A friend started “sleep training” at 7 weeks and I will admit it I judged her because I just couldn’t understand it! Every mom has to do what is best for them and their kid and each kid is different. My oldest started sleeping through the night at four months and was a sleeping champ! My youngest took quite a bit longer and at 2 years old I still sometimes have to bring him into our room in the middle of the night for a little bit, but like you said they are only little for so long so I just go with it. Sometimes you have the best intentions of making something work but then you have to change strategies and that is okay!

    Reply
  3. Linz
    April 23, 2014 at 3:26 pm (4 months ago)

    My little girl is 3 in June. She’s never been a great sleeper. I just think society has got busy..moms are told to train there kids like some sort of robots an have become out of sync with meeting the needs of there babies cries. Children cry for a reason. Sleep should be a relaxing time, time for comfort. You should want to sleep where you feel most safe. Attachment parenting shouldn’t even be a “thing”. Too much pressure on women to detach from there children as soon as there born. It’s craziness. Keep your babies close. Aslong as they have love in there heart the world will be a better place. :)

    Really enjoyed your previous blogs on parenting tips and nutrition etc.

    Reply
  4. Olivia
    April 24, 2014 at 1:33 pm (4 months ago)

    Glad to see you back Mrs O! Totally with you on the sleep issue. We’ve had our baby boy in with us since 3 months as he wakes regularly throughout the night and at first it was just easier to breastfeed him in bed. Could never let him cry it out, his cries are for my attention and love and I fully intend to respond to him as soon as he needs me. When he looks back on his childhood I want him to remember that he was loved and cherished and that he was never left alone to cry. He is the happiest little guy (now aged 7 months) and I intend to co sleep for as long as he wants. Love love love waking up to his gorgeous face and being able to comfort him in the night.

    You can’t over-love a baby and making him feel secure in his parents love for him is my key aim xx

    Reply
  5. BB
    April 24, 2014 at 2:56 pm (4 months ago)

    100% agree. I have always maintained that sleep training is a pc term for the convenience of the parents. Well, its not about convenience anymore. There’s a precious precocious innocent child at hand. Oftentimes, there are many people here in so cal that have kids and realize that their child/ren are an inconvenience to their lifestyle and thus the idea of “sleep training” gets passed around as kind of a pseudo rite-of-passage support system which justifies the parents (who have gotta have SOME kind of ill feeling putting their child in a room and closing the door). SICKENING. So thats all sleep training is here in LA; Justification for the parents real motive: SELFISHNESS.

    You’re right; the brain responds to TRAUMA by shutting down; thus the child falls asleep. We have family members who (to our own disgust) have prided themselves on getting their 3 week old to start sleeping through the night. At 8 PM no matter the day, the infant is placed in a room and the door is shut and Mummy and Daddy can go on with their night. That’s f’n abuse if you ask me. And the woman calls it “sleep training.” And her and all her friends here in the Hills think shes the greatest thing. Fast forward, that child is now 3, and I can tell you he is UNADJUSTED and INSECURE. Sure, he’s cared for has a nanny and parents there for all the photo ops of instagram, but he’s learned that life is about his parents and their rules; that’s it. That’s just wrong. Life is about our kids.

    Sleep training tells the infant, “You’re on your own in this world. Your parents aren’t going to help you when you need it. Cry all you want, they’re not coming.” How damaging. How sad.

    I have full confidence your child is well-adjusted and genuinely happy and secure!!! She KNOWS that her parents adore her and are going to be there for her no matter the situation.

    My husband and I, too, let our 2 year old sleep in our bed. There’s nothing wrong with it. We are probably one of the most happiest families in the world. Our son brings us joy and he knows that in everything we do. We always want to instill confidence, security, and happiness in him. He’s outrageously witty and happy and I always am greeted with, “good morning mummy” when I wake up! It’s awesome!!!

    My dad said, “Enjoy these years because one day, you’re going to stop and realize its over. Your kids are grown. And you’ll ask yourself, ‘when? why?’ You don’t get to do it over.”

    I can just tell you are seriously an amazing person – - -just by your efforts with your words. You have a great heart; you were raised right. You need to just stick with your instincts and you honestly dont have to read all these books to be a great mother; great mothering comes from within.

    Reply
  6. Katie
    April 25, 2014 at 1:19 pm (4 months ago)

    I’m so glad you’re back! I can’t wait to read your other posts! Maybe share an update on meals you make for your toddler! I loved your baby food post!

    Reply
  7. Barbara
    April 26, 2014 at 4:06 pm (4 months ago)

    Hi Lisa,
    I feel any loving parent should do what they think is best for their child. If you truly love your child your not going to intentionally harm them. We do what ever we can to make them feel comfort, secure and loved. As my son was growing up I knew when it was time to take his bottle from him, Start potty training, Sleep training etc… I listened to people who cared about me with suggestions but if I didn’t agree I did what I thought was best for my son.
    You and Jack sound/seem like wonderful loving parents and I think you have and will do just fine raising your beautiful daughter Pearl. I’ve enjoyed your pictures of Pearl and reading your post. I look forward to future posts. All the best!!
    Sincerely,
    Barbara

    Reply
  8. Sandi
    April 29, 2014 at 5:08 am (4 months ago)

    I agree with you 100%. I dont think I could hsve said this any better. Thank you Lisa! You truly ARE the raddest mom! I co sleep with my 7 month old. I put him to sleep in his crib and he will wake up in the night scared and ill put him to bed with me. Sometimes he will fall asleep with us in bed. My mother in law is the cry it out lady. And she has told me several times im doing it wrong. But like you said my baby is only small once. Thanks for this.

    Reply
  9. marita
    April 29, 2014 at 6:55 am (4 months ago)

    I love this :-) I very much agree with you wholeheartedly. My son was never sleep trained because as his mother, it never felt right to me instinctively to allow my son to cry knowing all he wants/ needs is my love and comfort. He’s going to be 2 in June and we’ve tried getting him to self soothe so he can learn to sleep on his own but…..that’s been a bit of a fail LOL. And I’m perfectly fine with that because like you said, they’re only this age once and we’ll never get this precious time again. Thanks for sharing! It does my heart good and happy to see you and your family doing great :-) xo

    Reply
  10. Angela Broussard
    May 1, 2014 at 11:02 am (4 months ago)

    My son is 6 and still sleeps with me and the hubs! Haha I know too old but he is starting to sleep in his own bed being that his 2 year old brother never had a problem sleeping in his own bed and refuses to sleep ANyWHERE else but his own bed!!! Lol crazy how children can be totally different!

    Reply
  11. JennyO
    May 12, 2014 at 1:28 am (4 months ago)

    Pearl Osbourne, you are sooo cute!!

    Reply
  12. Christine
    May 25, 2014 at 11:15 am (3 months ago)

    I completely agree with everything in this post and good for Pearl that she has loving & caring parents. In my world it will never be ok for any of my kids to ‘cry it out’.

    Reply
  13. Still Life in San Francisco
    May 26, 2014 at 9:11 pm (3 months ago)

    I am so glad that you are blogging again. Thanks for sharing Pearl’s second birthday photos. She is adorable.

    Reply
  14. Alowery
    June 2, 2014 at 8:59 am (3 months ago)

    Thank you Lisa! Happy that you are blogging again, my 19 month old son is going through the same thing right now, he falls asleep in his crib, but then wakes up in the middle of the night and i bring him into our bed. Tried the crying it out thing, does not work for me. I remembered that you wrote about 18 month sleep regression so was going to check back on your blog to get some advice, then i saw this post! Thank you!!

    Reply
  15. Kim
    July 5, 2014 at 1:05 pm (2 months ago)

    I totally agree! Our son slept with us till he was 1 then we trained him to sleep on his own in his own crib and room.. once he went into his big boy bed at about 20 months, he decided he was going to sneak into our bed half way through the night… Honestly they are only little once and for such a short period of time. I love waking up to my baby snuggling me it’s the greatest joy! Life goes by so fast and before we know it our kids will be adults who don’t need us anymore. I’d rather enjoy this time to the fullest and soak up the love and snuggles, than hear my kid scream cause he’s alone at night trying to “sleep train”. I’m soaking it up and loving it.. And will with all my babies! ;)

    Reply
  16. MamaUniversitaria
    July 12, 2014 at 6:33 am (2 months ago)

    Hi Lisa! First sorry for my spelling, english is not my first langue! My 7 month baby sleeps with us in bed! From my group of friends I am the onlyone that allows it! Most of them have their “babys sleep” train since very young! I think is being a diferent parent! I do not belive there is harm on the baby, or well… not intentional. I belive that you as mother have to do what is best for your child, and for your girl this is the best way!
    What is funny is that my mother hates the fact that my baby sleeps with us! She is always asking when are we going to put him in his own bed!

    Reply
Older comments

Leave a Reply